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翻译了罗密欧与朱丽叶的开场诗,求评

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Two households, both alike in dignity,
有两个同样尊贵的家族
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
让美丽维洛那上演悲苦
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
仇恨徘徊在今日与上古
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
用血将市民们的手亵渎
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
是命运将两个家族摆布
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
让仇敌的儿女互生情愫
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
而儿女之间的悲惨结局
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
终于埋葬了父辈的冲突
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
这男女主角的爱情悲剧
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
和父辈之间持续的愤怒
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
终被其爱子的亡故消除
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
汇集成了两小时的戏剧
The which if you with patient ears attend,
请您耐心聆听纠正错处
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
那些地方我们尽力修补


来自手机贴吧1楼2013-09-14 00:31回复
    不错,我就喜欢合辙押韵的(虽然不是按十四行的韵法)!
    不过最末一句的涵义似乎不是很确切,是不是可以译作:
    The which if you with patient ears attend,
    寥寥数语若有粗疏之处,
    What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
    想必蒙您耐心亦当弥补。


    IP属地:浙江2楼2013-09-14 14:35
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      连续两行都有儿女 感觉有点重复…


      来自Android客户端3楼2013-09-19 09:41
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        IP属地:江苏来自iPhone客户端4楼2013-09-21 16:37
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          好厉害,译的真好~


          来自Android客户端5楼2013-10-07 11:43
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            先点个赞~(一直不太懂fair在古英语中为何是美丽的意思……求大神解释嘤


            来自Android客户端6楼2013-10-07 21:07
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              我记得在《时间的玫瑰》里,北岛批判翻译的合辙押韵说是新时代的文学裹脚布


              IP属地:上海7楼2013-10-08 00:42
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                不错哦!你好棒呀!崇拜你!!!!!


                来自Android客户端8楼2013-10-16 14:49
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                  看不懂多少


                  来自手机贴吧9楼2013-10-24 18:08
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                    容我挖个坟,非常感谢楼主和二楼,我老师让我把这些话翻译成现代英语正愁着那些词什么意思,帮了大忙了。


                    IP属地:加拿大来自iPad10楼2015-02-24 04:04
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                      楼主神人啊!!!


                      IP属地:河南11楼2015-02-26 23:11
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                        IP属地:江苏来自Android客户端12楼2015-03-10 09:26
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                          来自Android客户端13楼2016-09-10 15:45
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                            楼主神啊


                            来自Android客户端14楼2016-09-10 15:52
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