u don't know
i don't even know
every time that window pops up
it's like, almost as good as, a text from my ex
the joy it brings!
you made my day
again

well,i cannot love you.i worship you, i stalk you,i enjoy the presence of you but i cannot love you. i know it's selfish to ask cuz i can't love u anyway, but oh well you never saw it even though i tried to ask through sg you still haven't seen it....so it's too late now. bye, btw im going with lw. i wish the best for you wholeheartely, and i truly wish i can go to where you are 2 years later.then,i'd still be your loyal fan like i always am...chasing after ur shadows
i know you can probably understand most of me, but i can only comprehend part of you, cuz who i am is too small and it's inside who you are... that's why i can't love... and i hope i'll grow bigger so that i can know you more.

you are still my idol in everything i care and in every way i can think of.
not only are you GOOD at all the stuff that i care about(if that's all there is, i would only be envious) but you have PASSION in doing all these stuff.
jealousy is so little comparing to the inspiring positive energy i get from staring at you. i enjoy watching you enjoying/acing at the things that i enjoy.
you prob dont know that you still encourage me to follow your steps, i've never met any other guy so cool like you, that i would try so hard to be as cool as you. there're many girls that i truly respect and look up to (yes i LOOK UP to my friends) and i try to act like them in certain ways, but for guys, you're the man.
there were a few times when i offered you a little help, to you, it was kind of important, but of course incomparable to the help you have given me. i selfishly and jokingly asked myself, are you sure you want to help him so that he could beat the crap out of you (metaphorically) later? then i still put time and effort into it because i put my heart into helping you, without regret. really, losing to you, i dont mind. i have no regret for helping you to beat me, and i'd feel honoured if it was any help.
i enjoy more than watching you doing/acing things, i long to hear your thoughts. your crtitical, sharp, logical, mean, and clear thoughts. most of the time, i have strong opinions just like you, but sometimes opposite.it doesnt matter what you think anymore, i just enjoy how you express yourself with your bitter wit. how strong, yet subtle. i used to think that you're just unbelievably smart and we could never figure out how you figure things out, but i was wrong. you're amazing for getting things figured out, but you're even more amazing in the process of figuring. when i hear your explanation of your thought processes, such organized logics fasinate me!
that, was just pure reasoning behind pure universal truths. that was enough to get me excited and shaky every time.
what about your opinions on your passions? what about life? what do you think about yourself? about me? i dont think i'd ask any of these questions, cuz you'd give me a heart attack.
not that your qualities and characteristics are all amazing. i know better. i bet i know you better than your number 1 fan girl. if i am not the one who knows you the best (out of all of "them"), i am still the one who knows you the earliest. for certain things i do not agree with ...i dont want to mention. because i simply grab onto your most dazzling characteristics and follow. whatever you do have, i try to see stare as hard as i can. this is what push me forward.
forward.
you'd never find this place, of course, i actually wouldn't mind if you do.
but for my good friends who may guess who this is, keep your mouth(s) shut especially to me. pretend you never saw =D

蓝颜吧
so today i saw someone blogging about this
and first person i thought was you.
you know me, i know you know me.
i know we keep each other at a distance, but it's what we do with all friends of opposite sex. i like the safe distance. idk about you, but i'd rather think you don't care much about girls instead of you're shy.
so there's no gooey sweet stuff like making me smile, there's only that sarcastic chuckle when "i got it". no there's nothing sticky like that. there's no sharing earphones, nor sharing food, nor sharing chair, nor buying gifts, nor sweet talks/texts/msgs/notes. that's her. im me. all proper
you're her crush, my idol.
once i've said i cannot have a hot cherry pink emotion for you. i feel all sorts of things about you except that.
就是知己知彼 没有一丝暧昧 这个词我要了

IT ****ING KILLS ME WHEN I SEE YOUR LIGHT DYING AWAY
"im getting owned"
"noooo you can't be"
i'd tell myself that you're still human
thats why i asked, are you happy about it
and no, you're not happy enough,
and i wonder if that change of attitude is a good thing or a bad thing
i want you to be normal too, walking relatively high and steadily.
i know it's nice to see you at top, and it's hard to see you anywhere lower, but please, PLEASE dont hit your head in the valley. you could do better. you may not be at the very top, but you'll always be somewhere higher, where i can look up to.
you're my motivation, my inspiration!
you may not shine as much, but you won't fade away!
i still get a little of the shakes, and no pinkish feeling, but i've set this image of you in my brain for so many years, it should go on being like this.

wtf

i remember exactly how it started from the very beginning.
i was drawn in by the very first glimpse. something special.
i've been fighting this damned fire in my heart for years. the chills and shivers and irregular heart beats i get from all these excitements. i knew all along that if i failed to surpress it once it would pretty much kill me. i won, every time. most of the time i aint even thinking of you at all. but oh the surprises! you never failed to amaze me.
she said you changed, never imagined you'd be drinking -OH. lmao
you changed, but SO MUCH MILDER than before that it actually shocked me -- you act like, a normal person now. it's not like i only appreciated the humble/gentle version of you; you WERE such an egoistic, and i didnt mind a bit. i enjoyed watching you as you were, rotten and all, because the fascination overcame these.
in the past you didnt try to impress nobody whatsoever yet i was fascinated because i enjoyed the cringe (and ofc angela was impressed); now you are impressing ppl and you got all the attention. but im not liking these fb posts only because youre popular. i go and wait for your posts, or whatever you do, and catch the first chance to appreciate them.
somehow i always think you know that im thinking this way. i feel you know that i attentively observed you and think highly of you.
if i had falled in love, i woulda done it much earlier.
but i've never fallen even in these past years, and i shall not fall.
those irregular heartbeats (n near heart attacks) should only be calmed as i progress to know you and appreciate you more.
*thanks to that best friend of mine = = who brought this whole thing up and made me think of my awesome idol again* #goaway