you just have to walk in when im cold and hungry and exhausted. i can't stop shaking. i can't stop stuffing food into my mouth. and then you left, 1 min later, i realized my mouth never stopped chewing for a sec, wtf was i doing.
this time im going to take every chance i have and create chances that i dont have.
i'll step forward. cuz you might be actually worth it. somehow i know even if i dont succeed, i won't fall on my ass as hard.

im just not used to this
im getting what i want too fast
ladys' man
it's normal, in your eyes, that i sat by you so close, and talked to you heart to heart. to me, it's a gift, almost a miracle.
we are so different, i don't know how it's possible for me to get so close to you. but i will not follow you and act like you even if i like you a lot.
cuz...
whom i like and whom i want to be are so different
maybe that exactly why i can't feel any pinkish feelings for my idol, no matter how much i admire him. he is partially who i want to be. he is parially me now cuz i've been living like him.
i just can't hide the smile on my face, i said i love you right to your face, in a neither frivolous nor funny way. the best part was you did not feel awkward. thats the best i love you i've ever said in my life. i do love you, for whoever you seem to be to me right now. if i get to love you for whoever you are deep inside, if there's a day when i can be sure about that, love me back maybe?

damn it's him again.
dreamt of 9255 just being there, like jrx is always there, by my side. i like him just being there, but nothing to do with me. it's all nice like grade 2 again.
i was thinking
if he was meant for me
i wouldn't be the only one feeling it
all the irregular heart beat and stuff
but maybe it's not the right timing yet
and thats so true
when i thought about it, i dont want anyone around me
i have neither heart nor energy for relationships with people, no matter boy or girl friends.
all i want
ALLLLLL I WANT
is freedom.
just leave me along.
the last 2 times i know he's there. but i made up my mind, i've got better things to do; i've got work, or sleep, or food,or whatever, that i wanna enjoy by myself.
"I had made my bed and I intended to lie on it, and there was no room for Leola in it."--fifth business. yea, i had made my bed (literally)and i was sleeping on it, and they woke me up. i can hear them saying his name outside, but idc. no room for you, leave me alone.
i can imagine myself getting pissed or annoyed for little things once they get too close to me. even now...no one has made me so happy like terry does now, and no one has made me want them so bad (altho i do get easily attracted to smart lil shotais, not the same thing). it's a crush that i want to turn into love. but, attractive as he is, this is still not enough for me to be committed to anything; im not even committed enough to put in effort and go for it. i still want spend more time with chem than with a person, even if this is the person whom i want to spend the most(?) time with.
i love how after 3 months of not seeing jrx, we still managed to sit across from each other in the library quietly and get our work done. having her sitting across from me is the enjoyable part of it, but it wouldn't be enjoyable if none of us get work done.
i know i cant expect this from everybody. i'd love to have someone who doesnt need me to do anything, but just be in each other's presence and loving...... but i know it's too stupid to ask for in any relationship. before im ready, leave me alone.
whoever said we shouldn't be in relationships too early because studying is our main purpose now, well, screw your ass!
relationships should not be ignored, but too bad, i've put all my heart into learning and its hard to find room for relationships.
second dream, we r eating at centro, chilling and talking. i want to leave because we've been there talking for too long. hc and other ppl are going another way. terry puts on his backpack, and starts walking. i put on my jacket and thought don't tell me terry just left. he's walking towards the door, and i run as i call out, terry wait up! then my alarm clock rang.
yea, thats exactly how i feel. i don't want to spend too much time on it, but i want to be with him for as long as possible.