M began to shut down mentally and emotionally. He started to question the fundamental belief and value of the organization that his father helped found and was dedicated to, and of his father's religion.

Growing up, M was taught to think like a leader, not a soldier, and to be a creative problem solver. At the same time, M witnessed the occupation and oppression from the enemy, and enormous deprivation and destitute among his people. He often pondered why his people had to suffer the way they had been.

The dedication M's father had to the organization resulted in his constant absence from the family. But seeing the brutalities of his people against their own while in prison caused M to doubt and distrust the organization's leaders, and to question his own identity.

Driving through the territories, G listened to music coming from the car radio. The songs were sung in a foreign tongue; they were not soothing for they were songs of hatred, one after another, and all of them. G imagined the lyrics slowly but surely crept into the mind of the enemy youngsters and poisoned their souls. He heard their shouting and saw the burning flame in their eyes - the flame of vengeance!

G's grandparents moved from the refugee camp to this land they called home after their family was killed in Europe during the war. They wanted to start a new life, to have peace and be away from war. But war followed them, and their descendants. It had been decades of fighting in the region with no end in sight.

G was not M's initial handler or M's recruiter. G became M's handler after G finished his trainings in 1998. As a handler, G's job was not to make M work for G’s country but to raise doubts in M about his belief.
Unbeknown to G, doubts had already sprouted within M before any handler started his work.

After 16 months in prison, on September 1, 1997, M was released. As expected, he did not graduate from high school. He did miss the final, but was able to take the make-up exam while in prison. To his disbelief, he failed the test, and was the only one to fail it! After being released, M attended night school and worked during the day. He finally passed the test, barely, but he didn't care.

After the last meeting with the recruiter at the detention center, no one from the enemy ever contacted M. But two months after M's release, he received a call from the handler for their first meeting.

Not knowing whether or not the handler knew about his double-agent story and in an effort to protect himself, M informed the handler that he had told a fellow prisoner of him wanting to be a double agent due to fear of torture. The handler was surprised to hear M's confession, but was not angry. Upon consulting with the handler's supervisor, for whatever reasons, the enemy agency S decided to let the story go.

Before they parted, the handler gave M a few hundred dollars, telling him to buy himself some clothes, take care of himself, and enjoy life. The enemy was not what M had expected it to be.

During the second meeting with the handler a few weeks later, M got to meet a few of the handler’s colleague inside agency S. They were friendly. They did not ask him for any information; they simply talked about life in general with M.

The handler again gave M spending money, twice as much the first time, but did not ask anything for return. The sum of money from the first and second meeting was a lot of money for a 20-year-old at the time.

Subsequently, the handler started giving M trainings with some basic rules. M was not to commit adultery, and, while working for S, not to have any out-of-wedlock relationship with a woman, regardless of ethnic background. And M was not to tell anyone about his double-agent story again.

People in S were very kind to M and clearly cared about him. Each time when M met with his handler, he learned more about life, justice and security. It seemed that the enemy was trying its best to make M wiser and stronger, to build him up and not to tear him down. M questioned himself about his plan to kill the enemy and realized that he no longer wanted to carry it out.

At that time, violent attacks in enemy territories were rampant and, tit for tat, were met with deadly force. The cemetery near M's home was gorged with the deceased.
The enemy agency S had one goal: Stop the killing before it starts.